Hey, if you end up having any use for Modern Technology, by which they mean big machines-that-go-Ping!, you'll go to the hospital.

If (when!) your labor turns out to be completely normal, and your midwife affirms that heart tones are good and the baby's positioned well... you'll just give birth where you want to be- at home all warm and cozy with no strangers poking at you with needles and fingers. Most everyone knows you shouldn't go to the hospital too early in labor. And YOU get to decide how early is too early. I've been lucky enough not to go to the hospital until we decide to check in with the pediatrician weeks after our babes were born :)

I love the book Gentle Birth Choices by Barbara Harper.
It's a very friendly, calm introduction to birth basics. I see it as a homebirth manifesto disguised as a primer on choosing your birth place.
Maybe the best part is Chapter 3, Dispelling the Medical Myths.
Myths like
-hospital is best
-only MDs can handle things
-constant monitoring in necessary
-birth must be sterile
-drugs won't hurt the baby
Get kindly blown out of the water. If you can get your loved ones to read this book, it should really help their outlook.

Though now that I'm writing, my gut says the first path to take is the emotional one.
I've seen some lovely photo montages of homebirths, set to music, online. They always make me weepy and want another baby.
If those who are frightened can get that little glimpse of the peace and joy of homebirth, that's worth all the facts and figures in the world.

Here's a lovely one, with facts about homebirth interspersed. It's a little graphic, but ya gotta watch it.
www.onetruemedia.com/otm_sit...w_shared

There's an amazing one of a baby born named Jude Roman Fairbanks, but it's not up right now...

Peace to you and yours- Good Luck!!!!

>>>It's one thing to do this without the support of my family, but I cannot do this without the support of my other half, my husband. We have a great relationship and this is the main thing we 100% disagree on.<<<

but how can you do it without the support of YOU, in a way other than how YOU want to do it and feel guided to do it? maybe this is a situation where hubby should get a lot of say. but i also think before providing such heavy handed input, he should be doing a whole lot more research than listening to your anxious family. and i don't think he should get final say. it's your wisdom (and your midwife's?) that will pull you through childbirth. not his.

there is ample evidence that in a healthy pregnancy, birth at home is SAFER than hospital birth. he owes you, before taking you off course, to begin educating himself about this stuff. especially with a hospital so near by!

it's true that your husband is half of the baby-making crew, but the only one birthing that baby is you! what was his job? coming? oh jeez, that's hard work.

seriously though, you are the keeper of your birth. your are the most recent in a long line of women who have given birth successfully. i prefer not to listen to all that "babies used to die all the time when people were living in log cabins/caves/trees". to that, i reply, babies die all the time NOW, even WITH our "magnificent technology". if hospital birth is soooooo much safer, why is our mortality rate so high? look at the stats, weigh your options, when the time comes, you have the right to birth your baby in the safest environment in which you feel comfortable. if that means locking yourself & your midwife in the master bathroom, while you tune out your frantic family pounding on the door, then so be it. i hope, for your sake, that won't be the case, but it's certainly an option.

also, it's REALLY unfair & uncool for your mom to lay such a heavy guilt trip on you. does she think you're not concerned for your child's welfare? i would hate for you to be pressured thru the rest of your pregnancy & end up being so tightly wound that, when the baby comes, you submit to going to the hospital, "fail to progress" and have your belly cut open. what would your mother say about that?

Have him watch "the business of being born" documentary by Rikki Lake...it's really good and eye opening!

I'm so sorry to hear this. I am sorry you are in a position that is uncomfortable. I understand what you are feeling. My Mom and I had it out about this very thing when I was about 10 weeks pregnant.
Since then, I have learned that there are some of the best birthing centers in the Bay Area and particularly SF if you choose to take a middle road and go there. I basically decided that I had to stop having this discussion with the family members and only have it between me and my husband. Our mothers do not know that I will not have them at the birth and I decided not to bring it up til the time gets closer. Being pregnant has taught me that I am not required to share any details with others unless I want to. they can stay in the unknown and wonder, because it has zero bearing on them. I believe this is a decision to be made amongst me, my huband, the baby and god. everyone else can sit back and support or not, our decision and I am not willing to discuss it any further.

Business of being born,
Ina May's books, especially Spiritual Midwifery,
Birthing from Within
Gentle Birth Choices
These all validate making choices that support the woman and baby being empowered through this experience.

I refuse to do anything that I am uncomfortable with on a values-level. I have a value to do things wholistically and organically as it relates to birthing this child..and anyone that doesnt support my/our wishes can make themselves unavailable during the experience if they wish.

I would ignore your mother's comment, as painful as it was to hear that, or simply say "thanks for sharing your opinion" and don't take it on as something you need to deal with. that is her issue, wherever that comment is coming from, something unresolved in her past.

you and your husband are fully empowered to make these choices for yourselves. The Birthing from Within journal that can be purchased along with the book has great exercises that maybe yo uand your husband can participate in together to really see what is at the root of his fears and thinking around home vs. hospital birth. he might surprise himself to discover that some of those thoughts aren't even his, but environmental influences he grew up within.

Best wishes to you. I hope you trust yourself and believe in your own wisdom to do what feels right to you.